(this was the bible verse in my devotion on the final day at Miss America 2013)
"The LORD replied, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'" -Exodus 33:14
To begin this long post, I want to first congratulate my good friend, Mallory Hagan (Miss America 2013)! Going into Miss America week, I considered my closest friends in the Miss America Class of 2013 to be Mallory Hagan (Miss New York) and Ali Rogers (Miss South Carolina). Ali and I were roommates for a week when we modeled for Sherri Hill in Atlanta last August. Mallory and I connected right away when our class of 2013 met in Orlando during Miss America's Outstanding Teen. Needless to say, I was one proud friend when Ali and Mallory were the last two standing on Saturday night! It is also important to say that while I started our time in Las Vegas with three really close friends (Laura McKeeman, Miss Florida, being the third), I ended it with 52 amazing young women that I will always call friends.
I flew out to Las Vegas on Thursday, January 3rd and it was a whirlwind right from the beginning. I was able to get on an 8 a.m. flight and was proud that both bags I checked weighed in at 49lbs (I spent hours the day before, repacking and rearranging, to accomplish this!). But thanks to the horribly slow and never-ending security lines at the Atlanta airport, I almost missed my flight. Once I started telling those around me in line that my flight to Miss America was leaving in 20 minutes, they spread the word to help me get to the front. Good people still exist! After I basically took off everything extra I had on and emptied my bags to go through the scanner, I "redressed" and repacked and sprinted through the Atlanta airport. I arrived to the gate just in time! When I say I was the last one on the plane, I really mean I was the last one on. Out of breath and tired, I tried stuffing my carry-on in the overhead, but of course, the overhead was already full. When the flight attendant found out I was Miss Georgia, he went out of his way to make room :-) All in all, getting to Vegas was successful and entertaining.
The actual schedule during the ten days at Miss America was crazy! There is no need to type it out day by day, but when people told me it would be one of the craziest weeks of my life, they weren't kidding. Some of the notable moments included having to wake up anywhere between 4:30-6:00 a.m. daily; having eight hours of rehearsal, followed by three TV interviews, then mandatory dinner; walking around Planet Hollywood all week in bedroom shoes because I got horribly raw blisters on the second day I was there, after rehearsing my talent in a hotel ballroom; sleeping in the strangest places and positions; going to bed far too late; the extremely strict but necessary security; the famous Spice Market Buffet, where we spent many hours throughout the week; and the running commentary on all this and more from my good friend, Allyn Rose (Miss DC), whom I was next to in all the line ups and rehearsals. It was a week no one can really understand unless they experience it first hand. But it was truly one of the most incredible weeks of my life, and I do not say that lightly.
Now to what most people have been asking me about, or sharing their comments: the actual competition and placements. There is not a whole lot for me to explain here, actually. I walked out of my interview on Tuesday morning feeling the best I have ever felt after an interview. My Miss America interview could not have been more personal. They saw all sides of "Leighton." We discussed the more personal aspects of my life such as my platform, my struggle with an eating disorder, my brother Robin, and what I wanted to do in the role of Miss America. We then discussed areas where I could show my intelligence; on-shore and off-shore drilling, gay marriage, abortion, fracking, the economy, etc. Again, they saw all sides of Leighton. Swimsuit and evening gown competition that night were so delightful, especially competing in evening gown (a HUGE thank you to Gregory Ellenburg for a gown I will always love and cherish). Talent rehearsal Wednesday morning was rough! I have never danced on such a slippery stage, let alone a stage where a grand piano takes up most of stage right. However, after working through my dance in rehearsal and praying about it, I walked off the stage Wednesday night elated! Not only was I aware Miss America would be the last time I would ever walk on a stage in a swimsuit; the last time I would have a ten minute interview about everything and anything; and my last pageant, but I also knew this would more than likely be the last time I performed on a huge stage in front of thousands of people - especially with pointe shoes on. So to walk off the Miss America stage, having just performed my talent piece the best I ever had, was surely a great way to end this one, tiny chapter in my life. Thursday night's on stage question was a fabulous way to wrap up the work I had already done throughout the week. I was asked what advice I would give to siblings of special needs individuals, so I was able to speak about Robin and share the advice to "embrace the relationship as much as possible." My answer was, of course, much longer and had specific examples, but again, it was an amazing way to end the preliminary phases of competition. Friday flew by because we all basically just slept in rehearsal at the theater, unless we were called on to do something. Saturday finally rolled around and it was a day filled with mixed emotions from all the contestants -- tears from excitement, exhaustion, and stress; laughter from jokes and delirium; hugs from encouragement, love, and the realization that we wouldn't see each other for awhile. The one day we all questioned whether we would make it to or not was finally here. We made it!
Saturday was incredible. Saturday was the day I received the clear answer from God to the question "are You, God, going to use me in the role of Miss America or not?" It was clear He was not going to. As I said before I left Georgia, I was more than okay with either outcome, and as I stood on stage Saturday night and did not hear my name called out, I was truly okay. For those who want to continue reading, please do so! For those who have read enough, that's fine too. The main point I wanted to get across was MY Miss America week was incredible. I know I did my absolute best in every single phase of competition. I know the judges got to know all of me and they simply were not looking for the type of woman I am. (Let's not forget the winner, Miss New York, was right before me in all phases of competition! And after talking at length with her during the week, I can only bet her interview was phenomenal.) I would do it all over again the same way I did the first time. In situations like this, blame is to be cast on no one. Miss America is truly up in the air, every single year. No, I did not get robbed (I got to compete in Miss America for crying out loud!!). No, the judges are not stupid (they picked a fabulous representative). And no, I could not have done anything better (I felt so confident about everything I did). The important thing is that contestants show up as the best version of themselves as they can be, and then it's simply a matter of whom the judges connect with and whom they don't. I forgot where I heard it, but it was said the judges this year were looking for someone who was fun, spunky, and totally relatable to the modern day woman. Most people don't use "fun and spunky" to describe me. Again, different judges on the same day would have probably chosen a different girl. I, however, am so happy with the outcome and the work all 53 women did throughout the week.
Now to the part I am most excited to write about. I was hesitant about sharing some of this publicly, but I feel like it is my responsibility to share my journey with you all, especially with those who supported me before Miss America and continue to support me in the days and weeks after. It is my hope that my story from Miss America will inspire you all to truly let go of your own wants and desires in life. It is my hope that my story from Miss America (and my life’s story, actually) proves how situations others might view as heartbreaking, extremely disappointing, and/or frustrating can instead be looked at with optimism when you truly believe the Lord’s plan was decided far before you were created. Instead of viewing life’s difficulties as disappointments and letdowns, we need to be thankful for them and we need to praise Him in the midst of them. With each outcome in life, good or bad, we have more answers and more insight into His plan for our life. We limit God when we only ask Him for things we want. Had I only asked God to let me be Miss America, I would have completely missed out on the opportunity to be a witness for Him. I hope this small glimpse into my experience is living proof of the miracles that can be experienced when we have eyes of faith; of the miracles that are waiting for us when we are able to abandon ourselves and truly focus on what is important in eternity, not here on earth and not to those around us.
When I won Miss Georgia, I so badly wanted to be Miss America. I wanted to be Miss America for my platform, for my visions in life, and for God. But I was dreading the actual ten days in Las Vegas, as I only wanted to go there, do my best in the competition part of it, and see what happened. I was quite frankly dreading the schedule and the many days that would be spent in Vegas. So when November 1st rolled around, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I had the wrong perspective on it all. I needed to totally change my thought process. I needed to look forward to getting to know 52 young women from across the country; I needed to embrace the opportunities I would have to be a witness of God's love; I needed to stop focusing only on the competition part and instead look at the bigger picture. The truth is one woman out of 53 walks away with the job of Miss America. The chances of me being that one woman were very, very slim. However, the chances of me being able to have a positive impact on those I met in Vegas were much greater. So with a new mindset in place, I was ready to give it my all during the last two months of preparation because once I arrived in Vegas, it would no longer be about me. When I arrived in Las Vegas, I was able to put myself on the back burner, totally trust in the hard work and countless hours I put into being the "best me" I could be, and enjoy each and every second. Before I left, a friend of mine asked "Leighton, what do you want out of Miss America other than the job?" I answered quickly with "I not only want to impact those around me all ten days I am in Las Vegas, but I want real assurance that I accomplished this. I don't want to leave questioning if I acted how God called me to act. I want to leave knowing I did."
On the plane ride out, I journaled for about two hours. The last thing I wrote before landing was a prayer. It read, "God, please help me to remember the miracle awaiting me could very well not be seen by the naked eye; only through my eyes of faith will I be able to see it. I know You will either bless me with the job of Miss America, or You will save me from it. I want whatever is best for me to do Your work." With that, I landed in Vegas ready to give it my all and totally excited about every aspect that awaited me.
The first Thursday to Sunday were semi-normal days (well, as normal as a day at Miss America can be!). I was able to do my daily devotion each morning, enjoy getting to know all the contestants, soak in every moment, and just have fun! While sitting back and taking it all in, something in me started to change. By Monday, I finally decided to journal my thoughts. It was during my prayer time Monday morning (the first day we were in the theater for rehearsal) that I heard a "still, small voice" inside me. My journal entry reads, "Monday Jan. 7, 2013. First day in theater at MA. No competition started yet. Dear God, I am not going to dwell on it, but I feel like I am not going to make the cut Saturday night. And I am okay with that. If this is the truth, please continue to prepare me for sitting in the "loser's lounge" (haha) and give me the grace to handle it in the way I am supposed to. I still so want to be Miss America, but I feel that is not the reason I am here at all. There is something so much greater for me to accomplish. Please give me the wisdom to seek out any and every opportunity to spread YOUR peace, love, and joy. If this "feeling" I have is from Satan, then please Lord, set my mind and set my thoughts straight. Protect me from his lies. However, if this feeling I am not going to make top 15 on Saturday is from YOU and YOU alone, please allow it [the feeling] to grow stronger and stronger...giving me total peace. I love you, Father. Amen."
Long story short, this feeling of mine continued to grow more prevalent throughout the week...even after I felt like I had the best interview of my life, had an amazing time in gown and swimsuit (well, not so much the swimsuit part! I never liked that part of competition), had one of the best talent performances I could have, and even after I felt so confident about my onstage question. God only allowed this feeling of mine to grow stronger and stronger, just as I asked.
Not only did my completely raw blisters and super sore throat make
me relax and relinquish any control I was still holding on to, but also this calm and strong assurance my name would not be called on Saturday night allowed me to look at the bigger picture. I was able to look at the whole week from a different perspective than most. Instead of getting caught up in pageant land and the final results on Saturday night, I was able to view this ONE week of my life from a faith-filled outlook. What was going to matter the most in six months from now? Five years from now? Especially in eternity? It wasn't really going to matter if I made top 15 or not, and it wasn't really going to matter if I won Miss America 2013 or not. What mattered is the impact I had on those around me. In the months leading up to Miss America and for the whole week I was there, I had been earnestly praying that He use me in EVERY way possible to be a light for Him. I also stepped out on a limb and asked for more. I asked Him to give me solid assurance I was doing the work He set before me; the work that needed to be done.
On Tuesday night (first night of preliminary competition), I asked the few contestants around me if they wanted to pray. What started as a small prayer circle of about seven young women turned into a prayer circle of 53 young women from across the nation as well as ten or so chaperones...all holding hands and bowing our heads. I was given the honor to pray over everyone with a microphone, and as I said amen, I knew I was doing what God asked of me. Contestants and chaperones began coming up to me one by one throughout the night and the next day explaining how much my prayer helped them. Not only did God provide me with the wisdom to seek out this opportunity, but He also fully answered my prayer. He was giving me the solid assurance I asked for. Wednesday night quickly approached and I was asked to pray over everyone again. Somehow I became known as "The Chaplain" (I think Miss DC started this and it quickly caught on)! By Thursday morning, I had already been able to share my testimony with five contestants and a chaperone (by the end of the week I think it ended up being seven contestants and two chaperones), and I was told by a few other girls they wanted to have a daily relationship with God like I seemed to have. I texted my mom Thursday afternoon explaining that if I had to leave then, I would be completely content. The week was already far more than I could have asked or imagined. Fortunately, the week wasn't over!! The opportunities to share Him continued to come my way, and I was taking each opportunity as a gift from God.
Finally, Saturday afternoon was here. It was time to see who God hand picked for the job of Miss America 2013. As all 53 women and ten chaperones bowed our heads for one last prayer, I heard myself say "Lord, I thank you that at the end of tonight, we will know which one lucky young woman you have chosen to bless with this job, and we will know which 52 women you have saved from this job." While laughter was shared, it was the truth! He was the one and only person who had insight no one else had. Only God knew who could handle the year-round, 365-day job of Miss America. And let me finish by saying, He sure did pick a good one!
If nothing else, I hope me giving a small summary of my experience at Miss America gives you encouragement to focus on the bigger things in life. Focus on what matters in eternity. Focus on what is going to matter in ten years. Focus on what you want to be able to tell your children/grandchildren you accomplished in your life. Always ask yourself, “Am I working to please God? Or am I working to please others/myself?”
Praise our God!
"We live by faith, not by sight." -2 Corinthians 5:7
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." -Romans 12:12
-Love in Christ,
Leighton
Twitter: @leightonjordan
Instagram: MissGa2012
Facebook: Leighton Jordan
